Why a banana?
Why would a monkey play a banjo? That, and it's hard to write on a cucumber. We tried.
You could also send a turnip if you really want to, though.
Where can I send my monkeybanana?
Within Canada, provided your province doesn't have any odd opposition to bananas, even if they may appear to be monkeying around.
At this point, we do no export (the imported bananas).
Who do I send a monkeybanana to?
That's the beauty of this site. It doesn't have to be a monkey. They're not all in the zoo, anyway.
You can send it to someone who's gone apesh*t on you, someone you're totally bananas over, maybe someone you'd monkey around with. Or a minion. They love bananas.
Really, it's up to you.
Can I add my own message?
Short form: yes.
Long form (based on what I would imagine a legal council would advise): within reason, whereas we reserve the right to edit, omit or reject any lengthy rants, tutorials or scary sounding messages (except the boonana, he's allwhite). The sender assumes full responsibility for the message and relieves and indemnifies monkeybanana.ca from any monkeys (real or human) that may take offense to a banana (whether green, yellow, white, ripe or fresh).
Will the recipient know I monkeyed around with the banana? Is my name on the banana?
Only if you want them to know, or if you ask us to include your name. Otherwise – bananonymous.
Does a banana make a good birthday greeting?
Does a monkey ride a mean-looking tricycle? Clearly, birthday wishes were MEANT to be put on bananas. The perfect birthday greeting is a monkeybanana in the mail!
So, I fill out the form and submit the payment. Then what?
Think CSI – the message travels along an array of cables, leaps through the airwaves and ends up with our monkey foreman. He's a real monkey's uncle. He will proceed to obtain a real, store-bought, hand-selected, quality approved (not by us, but we assume someone did this) banana. He'll give it to the infinite monkeys. They whip out their sharpies (not what you were thinking...) and go to work. They'll likely eat the first banana, but we'll have a second one on hand. Once the message is secured, the banana will proceed to packing & shipping, where it's processed in a Canada Post approved fashion (with labels and tape and wrapping and stickers). Then one of our monkeys drives it to the post office. Some of them even get there on the first try. The friendly Canada Post staff give us funny looks (we do offer them bananas), then – whoosh – one of us usually slips on a banana peel. But your monkeybanana is safely on its way.
Are the bananas frozen?
I guess that depends on Canada Post. But, no, not really.
How fast will you ship my monkeybanana?
In order to give the monkeys enough time to come up with legible tidbits, we've decided to ship twice a week - Mondays and Thursdays.
Can I track my monkeybanana?
Depends. If you send us a wireless or bluetooth chip and a global hotspot device. We will ask the plantation to insert the chip while the banana grows and then duct-tape the hotspot device to the stem. These orders may take a while.
For everyone else – all you need is a little patience And if your banana is late, let Kevin know and he'll do his best to track it.
Do I get confirmation that my monkeybanana was delivered?
If you sent in bananonymous, it might be difficult. Otherwise, see the social media storm the recipient kicks up once they get their monkeybanana!
How long will shipping take? When will I be able to put my hands around my banana?
This will depend on where you are. Canada Post service tells us to not monkey around in their business. We make monkeybananas, they ship and drive our monkeys' bananas.
That said, it recently took a monkeybanana 3 days from Burlington to Oakville, but Canada Post says:
Southern Ontario – up to 3 days
Northern Ontario – up to 4 days
Quebec – up to 4 days
Manitoba – up to 4 days
New Brunswick – up to 5 days
Saskatchewan – up to 5 days
Nova Scotia – up to 6 days
Alberta – up to 6 days
P.E.I. - up to 6 days
Newfoundland & Labrador – up to 6 days
B.C. - up to 7 days
Yukon Territory – up to 8 days
Northwest Territories – up to 8 days
Nunavut – up to 8 days
Since there are some locations where a monkeybanana simply has no business, we do have to reserve the right to reject certain orders. Any payments will then be refunded.
How much does shipping my monkeybanana cost?
Shipping and packing is unfortunately out of our monkey paws and comes in at $9.95 per banana. The good news is that we reached an agreement and this rate covers all of Canada. Well almost all. There is one exception. It seems our friends at CanadaPost do require monkeys to pay quite a bit more for sending bananas to Nunavut, so:
Nunavut – add $7.55
Each banana is shipped completely separately (kind of the point of sending bananas), up to 3 bananas to the same address and recipient. If any monkey feels the need to send 4 or more identical bananas to the same address and recipient, the bananas will be packaged in a very nice brown box, and a flat rate applies. Max. 20 identical bananas can be sent to a single address and recipient. We're banana mailers, not banana bunch transporters.
Is there any HST, PST, WTFST?
If there is, we've included it. The price shown, plus the additional shipping and packing charge, is all our monkeys seek.
I plan on eating my monkeybanana once it arrives, or making banana soup. Is this ok?
Well – no. We can't endorse eating this banana since it's gone through so many hands (do you have any idea what monkeys do with their hands when they're idle?).
BUT – we do support you spurting, squirting or otherwise showing the banana all over social media! We have a facebook page and the monkeys really like feedback (see what I did there? Monkeys will feed back anything...)
Seriously, WTF? Are you really this bananas? What monkey in his right mind would send a banana?
We think of it as sending a smile (as long as you hold the banana sideways and with the tips up). Some people send potatoes or salad. No-one, I know, but I'm sure they're out there. Why not send a banana? It's fun, formerly nutritious, and fun – did I say fun? people can slip on the peels.
What if someone slips on the peel?
Yeah. Once our monkeys ship out your banana, it's really your banana. We don't want to peel your banana, eat your banana, or slip on your banana. We're a monkey business. You should ensure your monkeybanana (or its peel) are properly disposed of (organic waste!). We are not responsible for any banana slippers.
If I, or the recipient, don't like the banana, do you take it back?
No. Really, what monkey would want a used banana? And our PO Box only fits one monkey (we're cheap), no returned bananas could fit inside anymore.
Do you have any monkey jokes on-hand?
What do you call a monkey in a minefield? A Baboom.
(we do not condone violence against monkeys. Or bananas.)
Do you sell brand name bananas? I only buy well-known, brand-name bananas?
We buy and ship bananas. The kind that grows on a banana tree. If you'd like to know the specific brand, feel free to ask in the order form. Most of our bananas are named Kevin.
Are your bananas organic?
Well, they're not made of metal or plastic. But chances are, they're not the kind of organic you are thinking of if you're asking this question. To a monkey, a banana is a banana.
How many monkeybananas can I order?
Almost as many as you like. Our monkeys merely reserve the right to request a little more time if gorilla orders of 15 or more are placed. And because monkeys get bored by repetitive actions, we have to reserve the right to renegotiate or reject any individual orders of more than 25 bananas.
What are your Terms & Conditions?
Our official terms & conditions, also written by our monkeys, can be found here.
Yes. And although it's private, it can be found here.
Do you have a Refund Policy?
Yes, you can find it here. But the short version is we cannot accept refunds (these are customized bananas after all).